If
You are corrupt
You are a hustler
You are a thief
Or any form of criminal (police don’t solve crimes)

If
You are a police
You are a gunman
You are lazy
And have a civil servant position (you are not accountable)

If
You vote PNP
You vote JLP
You know your MP personally
Only those who do have anything to gain

If
You are White
You are Chinese
You are Syrian
to be frank
Anything other than ‘Black’ and you are good here

If
You are employed
You are self-employed
and don’t pay taxes
Don’t worry you are safe we only ‘harass’ those who comply

If
You are not yet born
You are already dead
You ran away to ‘foreign’
Send some money via Western Union (your contribution is really building a nation)

If
You are as pissed as me
at the ‘raas hole‘ who coined the damn phrase
Jamaica No Problem!

I was unfortunate enough the other night to turn up at the Portmore toll plaza ‘cash poor’, I had plastic, but no cash.

The young lady assured me they did not take credit or debit cards and the office was closed “because it was Sunday”, so I could not
top up my toll pass either. Of course by now I had my flashers on and a growing line of disgruntled drivers behind me…who were mumbling none too
softly…I need to stop block the #%@*^& road…

In the end the young lady was kind enough to pay my toll with my promise I would pay her back on my return trip.

“THANK YOU CASSANDRA”

This whole unfortunate incident should never had happened and I would like to think I am not the first or the last person caught in this unlucky situation. This has exposed a serious flaw in the operation of the toll plazas and could be rectified by:

1. Me being smarter and making sure I always have cash while driving; toll plazas and police officers do not take plastic. (I just could not resist that last bit)
2. With current technological standards, toll operators should be able to handle a credit/debit card transaction even as a last resort.
3. The office should always be opened if they are the only ones who can rectify a situation like this.
4. Huge signs saying “Cash Only” toll road ahead before you are actually on the toll road, past the point of no return.

While I am on that point…let me just warn you…missing the Spanish Town exit on the Portmore to Old Harbor stretch simply means you are going to Old Harbor…but that is another story.